A borrowed post that MORE than applies!

Thank you Jamie for posting this!  The more people that know about this, the more "maistream it becomes, the easier it will be to help children later on!  There is hope! This is "curable"!  Don't give up the fight!

11.11.10

When Others Don Not Understand

 If you don't get it please read this it is from my book:
 When love is Not Enough (A guide to Parenting children with RAD) excerpt:

Chapter: From Others Toward RAD Parents

Other abuse that Parents often endure comes from clueless outsiders. They say things like you

Parent too tough, like a Nazi

Are not strict enough

Are crazy or have Munchausen’s Syndrome, Borderline Personality Disorder, are Histrionic etc.

Are a bad parent

Don’t like/love the child

Scape-goat the child

Are not trying hard enough

Just need to love him more

These well-meaning outsiders have no idea how deeply these things hurt and how much damage they do with their attacks. Our children have special needs and require much more time, energy, patience, and love. Those critics do not know of what they speak. The best way to deal with them is to educate and inform. If that is unsuccessful, do not interact with those that will drain your energy and take your focus from healing the heart of your child.

Nancy Thomas gave me and anyone else who needs it permission to copy the following letter below to give to anyone who doesn’t seem to understand.

SPECIAL NEEDS FOR SPECIAL KIDS

Written by Nancy Thomas

Children with broken hearts and wounded minds have special needs. When children have an early separation, abuse, neglect or medical interventions they are at high risk for Attachment Disorders.

If you had child “A” with diabetes and child “B” standing next to him that was healthy would you look at child “A” and say , “He doesn’t look like he has diabetes to me!”? People do that all the time to parents with an emotionally disturbed child!! How rude and discounting! What if child A & B were both at a birthday party and were both given big pieces of cake because “all children should be treated the same”? Child “A” could end up in the hospital. It is the same with children who have special needs because of mental illness. If they are both given the same privileges a child with Attachment Disorder will not feel safe and could end up in the hospital (psych hospital)!

Picture yourself as a parent of child “A” that must be given insulin injections to sty alive. Imagine how painful that must be to have to cause pain to a loved one to keep them healthy! What if some well-meaning, clueless person stood by as you had the needle poised to inject your child with life sustaining insulin and said “Oh! Don’t do that! It’s mean! I don’t do that to my children and they turned out fine!” Would it make it any easier to do what must be done for your child? Would it help the child who must endure the injections? Why then do folks feel it is okay to do it to parents with children that have wounded minds?! Children that are sexual perpetrators or violent with others cannot run and play with other children. Other parents do not understand how quickly one of these children can grab a crotch or poke out an eye and often judge and condemn parents for keeping their child in close and out of trouble rather than realizing how difficult it is to watch them every second to keep them and others safe. How tacky is to explain to every intruder that your child has this problem and how humiliating for the child to hear it told to all!

What happened to trusting and honoring each other for our efforts to help our children? Parents love their children and are doing the best they can for them. Ho about supporting and encouraging those with difficult children! Yes, there are wackos out there, but thankfully they are few. The rest of us parents are doing the best we can. We all make mistakes but we make less when we are supported and understood than when we are judged and condemned. You want to help? Let a parent know what they are doing RIGHT and give them a hug and a smile!